In loving Memory
To Our Dearest Walter,
Where do we begin? Words fall short. Your humor brightened our days. Your cunning and guile remains the benchmark by which we aspire. And when we strayed, it was your firm hand and wise words guiding us back. Undoubtedly, we are better for having crossed your path...
GUESTBOOK
Partner. What can I say? You were the pillar of our community. I always knew things on the inside were in good hands knowing you were on watch. I'm especially grateful for all the timely warnings you sent my way from your back porch perch as the many various scoundrels tried to cut in on our Frogtown turf. And who can forget that warm spring evening when you stood heroic and single-handedly thrashed those hardly mentionable bastard raccoons. Stuff of legend. I'll forever miss coming around the corner and seeing your face. Forever miss our lengthy, spirited talks. I had never known an equal. Then I met you. Thanks for providing safe haven for Roo, Larry and Kenny. Especially those last two. I could not have raised them without you. I'll do my best to keep Eddie on task. And when I finally meet that Vernon, I'll remind him you're forever boss. All my love my champion, warrior poet. All my love. June
Walter. I'm sorry I rascal so much with Eddie. I can't help it. Rascalling is the most fun ever. Even during karate and movies and stuff. Thank you so much for letting me and Eddie do so much me and Eddie stuff. He is my best friend. You are the boss. I love you. Barry
Big Guy. Lord knows we've had our differences. I hope you know it was never out of disrespect. You were the most loyal of friends. And I'm saying that as a dog. A business partner with high integrity, class and professionalism (even when my own was lacking). I'm sorry I cheated you out of the windfall that came from my forced collapsed of the business. Your cut went into opening the restaurant. I know. Dick move. I send my love. Nico.
Walt Money. Big sads on hearing the news. Us here in L-Town let loose a "Wup! Wup!" in honor of the Great Gray Ghost...the Host with the Most...raver extraordinaire. Won't soon forget all the late nights (big up 8pm!!!) and early mornings (BRITAAAHHH WAHTAAAHHH!!!) dropping sic ill mad beats with the sic ill mad Professaaaahhhh. Never will we forget the W-to-the-A-to-the-L-to-the-double-trouble-T-E-R. Much love. Cheers to the final mic drop. Biz Biscuit. Biz Markie
Champ. What can we say? On behalf of Donnie, Spence, Goolseby, the Hammer and Shifty Tina...a toast. A toast to your witty banter. A toast to your elegant style, dope threads and epic three/seven splits. Never again will there be a big "C" cat with the game to back-up the balls out stacks of whack cheese you so frequently dropped. Your game was stuff of legend. As we bid adieu, let it be known: your credit line remains open, the milk stout stays room temp, and your balls forever as you like 'em...lightly dusted. We also went ahead and took the liberty to square the 20 large you owed Asian Pete. It was the least we could do. We out. Richfield Pool Hall
Walter. You can't imagine how heartbroken we are to hear of your passing, especially Hard Working Benjamin. He was looking forward to working with you on your next picture show. Did you get his reel? As for Jack and I, in your honor, we ate two apples, a sock, four lemon meringue pies, a pair of water wings and a dirty old box. It was good. Until we meet again....Freeloaders Jack and Willy.
PS - I'd imagine Hard Working Benjamin has a few words he'd like to contribute, but we had trouble finding him. Apparently he's busy working or in meetings or making plans for meetings and projects and work and stuff.
Sweet Cheeks. Devastated to hear of your passing. I won't soon forget your skinny, swishy, little butt, or your beautiful, big, green eyes. We had our share of fun times. Didn't we? From a girl who has been around--and trust me, I'VE BEEN AROUND--I can report they don't make 'em like you any more. Walt, I'll always consider you the one who got away. I raise a glass to the bumpiest of bump and grinds...
Big Sue
Professor Coelho. It is with great sadness I reflect on your passing. Much more should have been done to clear your good name. This oversight remains my most profound professional regret. In an effort to right a wrong, I proudly announce Walter Library will forever be known as the Walter B. Coelho Library for Studying and Reading Books on School Learning and Student Educational Technology Center of Future Tomorrows and Yesterdays. On behalf of the University of Minnesota...President Eric Kaler.
From the Desk of Teddy D. Enclosed, you will find an autographed portrait, as well as several screen shots, from film's most revered and honored actor cat: Teddy D. We thank you for your support and for remaining a loyal fan. Kid, keep eatin' that kitten chow and one day you may grow up to be just like Teddy D. But we doubt it. Teddy D Fan Club
W.B. I pen this with heavy heart. Your wisdom, firm hand, and understated cool shaped me into the man I am today. Eddie, too. Barry...well...we're still working on him. What I'll miss most is your chill demeanor, refined ear, ribald stories and dope command of crowd and stage. I'm sure the notes will fall a bit flat our next few gigs. But we'll rally. We always do. Thanks for the guidance. And your patience. Gotta run. Double-part-time calls. In Jug and Tuba Band we trust. Keenan.
Mr. Coelho. We send our sympathies. Our city will forever be indebted to you and your team. Your vision remains unmatched. You took a chance on a dilapidated property in a dilapidated town. When no others had the courage or foresight, you stepped forward. Fast Cuts was the catalyst for a never before seen series of upgrades and investments that has made Ham Lake the shining beacon of the Twin Cities' northern suburbs. In recognition, we our honored to announce the business plaza which was home to the original Fast Cuts will forever be known as the Walter B. Coehlo Complex for Business Development and Special Projects Related to Business Achievements Center.
Sincerely, Ham Lake City Council.
Waltero. Quiero hacerte el amor. Quiero hacerte el amor toda la noche. Hazme el amore en hagámoslo. Eres fabulosa en la cama. Ha sido el mejor sexo de mi vida. No tengo ropa interior puesta. Estoy tocándome pensando en ti. Voy a devorarte. Muy etérmela en la boca! Muy! Muy! Ciao amore. Ciao. Carmasita
Walls. I weep salty wet tears of passion. Longingly I pine. Pine for moonlit barefoot skips across wind swept meadows, our hands (paws) joined as the night lovebirds coo-coo approval of our deep passion. Heart. Jennifer Aniston
Walt. I can't believe you cheated on me with that fucking trollop, Jennifer Aniston. She stinks like a bear. Did you read that weak crap she just posted? And look at her. She has a rat face. I'm fluffy and like having my ass sniffed. Cowboy hump me! Ride this pony! LuAnn
Monsieur Walt. You are gone. How can this be? My heart overflows with beignet flavored grief. My baguettes soggy from all the tears shed by all the big "C" cats living in the City of Light. Oh...gay Paree, gay Paree. How to move on? I mourn. Mourn the passing of my brother. My warrior raver. Unbearable the thoughts of a permanent nightfall upon our brotherhood. Upon on ravers. No more crackin' beats. No more ladies droopy like hot fondue in our sweltering lairs. We were kings, Walter. Kings! I weep...
DJ Frenchy
To Our Esteemed Walter. It is with a sad heart we pen these words. Few have the intellect, objectivity and impregnable integrity required to serve as judge. You, Walter, are the standard bearer. Your temperament, courage and ethical moorings are unrivaled. Who else could in such steady fashion--quick and most unobtuse--hand down such consistently timeless and ground breaking decisions? "Come back next year." No longer a phrase, but a life mantra. Genius. Sheer genius. Our profession is lesser with your loss. The Judges Guild of America
Walter. On behalf of the City of St. Paul, we thank you for your tireless service and unmatched dedication to making St. Paul the best little city it can be. I still can't believe you single-handedly thrashed three raccoons. Amazing. As mayor, I'm proud to declare August 27 will forever by known as "Walter Coelho Day." My best. Mayor Chris Coleman.
Uncle Walt. We love you. You are best and smartest. Thank you for the gift of tuba. Stu loves Tuba Band. Eddie, Barry, Keenan and Stu make up the best Tuba Band ever. Thank you for hosting and officiating our wedding. We will play with Vernon a lot. And love him. Little Sue and Stu Chop Chop
From the Screen Actors Guild. W.B. Our hearts are heavy. We believe your contribution to the arts is rivaled by none. Not even that tool Teddy D. From what we hear, your innovative style and one-of-a-kind prose has no equal. And though we've never actually seen anything you've written or directed, assuredly, the film community is lesser by your absence. SAG President, Ken Howard
A shout out from Eat Street/Whittier Food and Alcohol Alliance, with a very special toast from your comrades at Little T's. Walt. You merry prankster bastard! Keenan told us. He had a break during double-part-time and he swung by for a shot and some chips and salsa. Hot salsa. But not as hot as all those fond drunken summer ally flings we partook in. Just a few boys (and gals) living out the American dream: tender, flaky chicken primavera; bottles of Britta; quick romp on the carpet of desire! Those were the days. We'll miss you, buddy. We'll keep a barstool warm and the tequila on ice. Enchiladas all around! Salute! Little T's
Walter. We are sorry we rascal. We can't help it. We tried to go to rascal training school but all we did was rascal, eat soft food and take naps and stuff. It was seven dollars for two days on Wednesdays, but only ten dollars for one half day on Thursdays and Mondays. Eddie and Barry were our teachers. They do good training school for rascals. We are sorry you are gone. We never got to learn from the best. We are very grateful you were willing to let us spend our formative years in your home. It was a nice place to grow up. It had pillows. Pillows are better than rocks for sleeping. We will keep your memory alive in everything we do. Larry is Olympic swimmer. Kenny Degan is going to kill a turkey. It will be fun. With love...Larry, Roo and Kenny Degan.
To my big brother and possible father. Walter. Words cannot express how sad I am to have heard of your passing. I will never forget you. Your sage advice guided me through trying times. Your watchful eyes protected my surroundings. I have always known great comfort when in your company. Always known great companionship with you and Eddie but a windows leap away. I'm a mother now. Rest assured, I will pass on your legacy. Your stories. Your traditions. The handsome, dapper, regal Walter B. Coelho will not soon be forgotten. Your story will be carried through the ages. All will know your name. Eternally. Lois
Welcome home, my love.
Welcome home.
Charlie
